The unprecedented downfall of FTX cost heavily to its users and wiped away billions of dollars from the industry.
Sam-Bankman Fried, the man behind orchestrating the absolute mayhem is presently under house arrest, pleading with court judges to let him play league of legends. Fair world!
It's exemplary that the courts of America have chosen the harshest punishment possible for SBF and made him suffer the utter agony of living in an astoundingly lavish mansion. This surely has heightened the global standards of justice (and hypocrisy).
However, Bankman Fried was a generous donor to the great causes of humanity, wanting the government to be ready for the next pandemic. He donated more than $45 million to this cause, however, due to some evil centralized banking glitch it landed up in the accounts of the United States Democratic Party’s accounts. Even though it shocked SBF too, he waived it off saying,
“As if I care about anyone’s money! That would probably be the last thing I’d do at the end of an extremely boring day.”
But due to the Democratic Party’s proactivity after two years of the donations, now the money would be returned to SBF. The decision is taken to uphold the high standards of democratic morality and commitment to extreme truthfulness.
The Democratic National Committee has made it explicitly clear that they would not be entertaining funds from any disreputed donors. Though this excludes George Soros, Fred Eychane, Michael R. Bloomberg, and 291 others.
While sharing this with the media, The Democratic party unofficially said,
“If there is any organization in the entire known cosmos that is truly honest to its core, it has to be the U.S. Democratic Party. We’ve even got a certificate from Themis, he came and personally gave it to Mr. President. We cannot even touch SBF’s money. We are as pure as Virgin Mary or maybe even more, only God knows.”
According to the reports, a whopping total of $1 million would be returned back from the SBF’s $45 million donations after two years. Some say that it is a token of gratitude from the Democrats to SBF during his tough times. But the party has rejected the idea saying that if it had been so, the FBI (which we control) would have looked into that.
The Democratic Party also mentioned that the donations were only accepted because SBF went to its knees and offered us the cheque along with a red rose on Valentine’s. And as per tradition, you can’t break a heart on Valentine’s day. Other reports also suggest that Gary Wang was also spotted with a red rose and cheque outside the office of the Republican Party. However, no further details could be fetched.
We are glad that the land of opportunity is governed by the people who truly understand the meaning of opportunity and benefit from it. Long Live America.
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Disclaimer: All content contained within this article and any of its social media copies, however similar to real events, is fictitious. Any real, semi-real, or similar names, places, people, products, services, and locales are used purely for satirical purposes, and the corresponding story details are purely fictional. The articles contained herein are to be considered satire, parody, surrealism, and humor. Any resemblance to actual persons, businesses, or events is entirely coincidental.
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